The Simpsons + Mad Men = Pure Awesomeness

http://videogum.com/archives/parodies/breaking-video-the-simpsons-s_031281.html

Conviction by Embarassment

Wow - it's been a couple of week since I posted so getting back into it can be tough sometimes.  Now that the dust has somewhat settled after the nuclear winter known as the U.S. Economy, the public hangings can commence.  Most of these will be courtesy of Bill O'Reilly (via DealBreaker).  

Stan O'Neal, former CEO of Merrill Lynch (my 401k custodian), is up first.

A Large Aqua Sweater Makes My Commute

Good morning readers.  You may have noticed that I've been in a fairly negative mood lately.  This is due to a number of factors that I won't discuss here but it's strange how unexpected everyday things have the uncanny ability to cheer someone up (in this case, me).

I'm on the Q this morning and we arrive at the last stop in Brooklyn, DeKalb Ave., when a seat opens directly in front of where I'm standing.  I decide not to take it because A) I sit all day anyway and B) Out of the corner of my eye I notice a large young woman in aqua sweater lumbering towards the seat like a Mack Truck on Interstate 80.  She nudges me aside and crashes down in the empty seat.

At first, I'm pissed.  This fat, ghetto wannabe girl rudely charges into this seat without apology.  Completely shameless, this girl.  Quickly, however, my annoyance turns to mild amusement because it suddenly appears to me that this girl is potentially narcoleptic.  I had turned away for a nano-second and she's dead asleep, mouth open, and her head slumping slowly towards the shoulder of the poor sap sitting next to her.

At first, he's obviously uncomfortable but maintains his ground.  This poor guy is less than half the size of this woman.  The train starts crossing the Manhattan Bridge and she keeps slumping closer and closer to him, clearly broaching his personal space.  He eventually abandons ship and gives up his seat.  Aqua sweater wakes up suddenly and moves to the vacated seat (apparently her seat didn't provide enough space).  Instantly she falls back asleep.

I see a well dressed man, standing in one of the doorways chronically shaking his head at this sight.  A woman standing next to me is chuckling to herself quietly.  I couldn't help but to turn away and start laughing myself.  

But the entertainment isn't over.  The girl, still dead asleep, is now slowly verging in on the personal space of the poor girl next to her who was probably thinking less than 30 seconds ago "thank god that woman isn't sitting next to me".  Her arms are straight in front of  but are nearly crossing each other as she tries to maintain some type of personal space.  By this time, the whole car is aware of what is going on and most people are smiling at the very least or shaking their heads in bewilderment.

The poor girl gives up her seat at Canal St. and no one volunteers to brave the waters of the Aqua Sweater, who, incidentally, is still dead asleep even when the train comes to an abrupt stop.

Her last victim is the woman that is sitting at the very end of the bench but Aqua Sweater is falling over to her side so far that her head is practically in the woman's lap.  I imagine that the woman has her headphones blaring but it is obvious that she is still agitated.

Fortunately for all on in the car, 14th St. arrives and Aqua Sweater awakens, looks around like a gopher poking his head out of his burrow and decides this was her stop.  She gets up groggily and lumbers off the train.

As soon as she's gone people scramble for the two spots vacated.  I'm just laughing and actually forgetting my troubles for the rest of my commute.  Good times.  Good New York times.

Crisis? What Crisis?

Uncle Ben seems ok.

Huskers Football/Bad Economy - Coincidence?

So it turns out that last Monday was just a warm up.  

As I write this the Dow Jones Industrial Average is down over 700 points (again).  It is currently trading below 10,000 for the first time since 2004.  The NASDAQ is down over 8% and the S&P 500 is down over 7.5%.

Over the weekend I got a request to talk about the Nebraska Cornhuskers and they're seemingly unending mediocrity as a football team.  The Huskers continued this trend this past Saturday with an painful performance against their longtime rivals, the Missouri Tigers, losing 52-17.

Not so long ago, the Huskers dominated the annual matchup with Missouri, winning every year from 1979 to 2002 and leading the overall series 63-36-3.  However, the tables have turned of late with Missouri winning the last two seasons and 3 out of the last 4 matches.

Ok - so you're asking yourself, what the hell does Nebraska football have to do with the Greatest Depression?

If you recall, the last Huskers National Championship was in 1997.  This, along with the Huskers' back to back titles in 1994 and 1995 was the culmination of Tom Osborne's tenure as head coach.  At this point in our country's history, we also were enjoying an unprecedented run in the stock market year over year, eventually slowing down in the beginning of 2000.

2001 was the last time Nebraska played in a National Championship game and for some fans, marks the beginning of the team's dominance in the Big 12 and on the national scene.

Now we find ourselves not only in economic strife but chronic Husker mediocrity.  The timing is a little uncanny if you ask me.

So, Bo Pelini, the pressure is on.  Two weeks in a row, Nebraska has failed to rise to the occasion and two weeks in a row, the United States markets have plunged.  Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke would do well to convince coach Pelini how crucial the success of the Huskers is to our national and the world markets.

Personally, the Huskers look a long way off from the dominance they once knew.  Could be our economy is in the same boat. 

Pork

Just one example in the bill up for vote tonight, which is at 9:30 EST.    

The House has stated they won't vote until Friday at the earliest (assuming it passes tonight).  So much for quick action... 

Bailout Vote - Senators Edition

Good morning, my fellow Americans.

Today we will witness another dog and pony show courtesy of our elected officials in Washington, D.C.  The vote is supposed to take place some time this evening (probably in prime time of course) and there will likely be ubiquitous coverage by all networks and cable news.

I arrived late to work this morning (my usual routine lately) so I'm just getting going but I've already found some good information courtesy of Michelle Malkin, who I detest, but her blog does have some good information in it about the new version of the bill which has its share of pork.

That being said, I don't have to tell you what will happen tomorrow if this doesn't pass.  Paul Krugman seems to feel better about it but still isn't in love.  While the gang at Reason is vehemently opposed and note that our two candidates for President happen to agree on the need for the bailout but don't really know too much about it.