Step in My Office...

Let me just first say that this posting has been a long-time coming. I've had lots of time to think about it so hopefully the wait has been worth it.

For me, getting laid off has been weird. Not weird in the sense of someone trying to open the obviously locked bathroom stall door while you're in the middle of an evacuation but weird in the sense of how happy I am as a result of this "reduction in force".

Which, for the record, is the stupidest buzz phrase for a massive nation-wide LAYOFF. You're not taking troops out of Iraq, KPMG, so let's just be honest...Just sayin.

Sorry about the disgression...Yes, I'm happy that I got laid off. Thrilled, in fact. Relieved too. Thinking about how hard I'm NOT going to be working during the months of January through April is a huge weight off my mind. I have many friends that are remaining in the trenches and I've got to say that it may not be the best year to still be there. The unfortunate reality of the sitch is that the amount of work has not changed and has probably increased. Meanwhile, the amount of the people working has most certainly decreased.

Now, you don't have to be a MIT graduate to figure out this equation: MORE WORK + LESS PEOPLE = MORE WORK PER PERSON. Oh and when MORE WORK PER PERSON goes up, your personal life GOES DOWN. BIG TIME. Does this clear up my serentity for you?

Regardless of my logic, there will be friends and colleagues that will think that I am still nuts and that's fine. I can't expect everyone to appreciate my perspective and that's not necessarily what this blog is about.

All I can say is, don't worry for me. DON'T. I'm asking this of you because not only am I happy, I'm feeling completely liberated. It's hard to explain. Perhaps it's the type of feeling that you have when you're so dissatisfied with a situation and then suddenly it is fixed far beyond your expectaions.

Not only that, I can't help but think that being a part of this large financial meltdown doesn't do something interesting for my life story...Granted, there are many people like me but they're not necessarily writing about it but certainly hope they are all enjoying themselves as much as I am.

Post-Election Debrief

Gosh - just like that it's all over.  I can honestly say that I'm glad, although I'm not sure what I'm going to read about on the Internet now.  There are lots of interesting things that came out of this election cycle:

1.  The "blue" state of New York is more partisan than the following "red" states: Nebraska, Kansas, Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, and several others.  New York went blue with 62% going for BO while the red states all went for JM with less than 60%.  Is that meaningful?  Maybe not, like I said, just interesting.  

2. Massachusetts voters approved to decriminalize marijuana which, in my opinion, is a vote for common sense.

3.  Arkansas voters approved to not allow unmarried adoption.  Language from MSN regarding Amendment 1: "Provides that a minor in Arkansas may not be adopted or placed in a foster home if the individual seeking to adopt or to serve as a foster parent is cohabiting with a sexual partner outside of a marriage which is valid under the constitution and laws of this state."  This, seems to be the complete opposite of common sense.

4. Minnesota is having a recount between Norm Coleman (R) and Al Franken (D).  Yes, that, Al Franken of SNL.  I read one of Franken's books a while back and he is pretty funny but I hardly would want him serving in Congress.  But it's the state of Lake Wobegon so whatevs.  

 

I spent the election in the East Village which was mucho fun.  I promise to post a few photos to give everyone an idea of what Election Night was like.  Anyway, I guess I'm going to work on finding something else to do with my time...

At Long Last...

Good morning, my fellow Americans.

I thought I would drop a quick note to remind everyone that if you are registered to vote, please do so.  Here's also a quick recap from NY Mag in case you need a reminder of how long and frequently hilarious this campaign was.  

Some examples: Fred Thompson asked supporters for applause, Joe Biden calling out Rudy Guliani for 9/11 usage, Dave Letterman complaining about a flakey John McCain, Sarah Palin's daughter's baby-daddy drama.  Isn't it a shame that it all ends today?

On an interesting side-note, I voted around 6:30 am today after waiting in line for approximately 30 minutes.  For the first time, I actually pulled a lever in order to cast my vote.  Apparently this isn't new for New Yorkers but I had never literally pulled the lever for anyone.  I figured those things had gone the way of the dodo bird moons ago.

Happy Election Day!

Have a Nice Trip?

So I am walking up the escalator today and my foot catches on one of the moving steps and my face starts plunging downwards.  My pulse quickens and I grab the rail to catch myself but at the same time my messenger bag swings off my back to my side and I attempt to swing it back behind me.

This obviously makes a huge scene on the escalator and there are several people right next to me that are shirking away in fear of getting knocked over by this tall blonde klutz (but so well dressed!).

I recover somehow without injury and continue up the steps as if nothing happened.  What else could I do?  I had to march on.  As I neared the top of the escalator, I started chuckling to myself.  Again, what else could I do?  That had to have looked hilarious to anyone nearby so I couldn't help at laugh at my lack of grace.

Living in New York guarantees many things, one of which is lots of walking.  This copious amount of walking inevitably leads to trips and sometimes falls.  This happens to every New Yorker and I for one have embraced my own clumsiness.

I've definitely found myself laughing more and more whenever I trip and my arms and legs go flailing and my face is filled with terror that I'm going to end up face down in the muck.

I think this basically demonstrates a couple of things: (1) At times I can easily laugh at myself; (2) looking like a fool is something to be embraced and can be healthy for you.  

So get out there people!  Fall all over yourself and loosen up some.  Don't take yourself so seriously.  See, doesn't that feel better?

The Simpsons + Mad Men = Pure Awesomeness

http://videogum.com/archives/parodies/breaking-video-the-simpsons-s_031281.html

Conviction by Embarassment

Wow - it's been a couple of week since I posted so getting back into it can be tough sometimes.  Now that the dust has somewhat settled after the nuclear winter known as the U.S. Economy, the public hangings can commence.  Most of these will be courtesy of Bill O'Reilly (via DealBreaker).  

Stan O'Neal, former CEO of Merrill Lynch (my 401k custodian), is up first.

A Large Aqua Sweater Makes My Commute

Good morning readers.  You may have noticed that I've been in a fairly negative mood lately.  This is due to a number of factors that I won't discuss here but it's strange how unexpected everyday things have the uncanny ability to cheer someone up (in this case, me).

I'm on the Q this morning and we arrive at the last stop in Brooklyn, DeKalb Ave., when a seat opens directly in front of where I'm standing.  I decide not to take it because A) I sit all day anyway and B) Out of the corner of my eye I notice a large young woman in aqua sweater lumbering towards the seat like a Mack Truck on Interstate 80.  She nudges me aside and crashes down in the empty seat.

At first, I'm pissed.  This fat, ghetto wannabe girl rudely charges into this seat without apology.  Completely shameless, this girl.  Quickly, however, my annoyance turns to mild amusement because it suddenly appears to me that this girl is potentially narcoleptic.  I had turned away for a nano-second and she's dead asleep, mouth open, and her head slumping slowly towards the shoulder of the poor sap sitting next to her.

At first, he's obviously uncomfortable but maintains his ground.  This poor guy is less than half the size of this woman.  The train starts crossing the Manhattan Bridge and she keeps slumping closer and closer to him, clearly broaching his personal space.  He eventually abandons ship and gives up his seat.  Aqua sweater wakes up suddenly and moves to the vacated seat (apparently her seat didn't provide enough space).  Instantly she falls back asleep.

I see a well dressed man, standing in one of the doorways chronically shaking his head at this sight.  A woman standing next to me is chuckling to herself quietly.  I couldn't help but to turn away and start laughing myself.  

But the entertainment isn't over.  The girl, still dead asleep, is now slowly verging in on the personal space of the poor girl next to her who was probably thinking less than 30 seconds ago "thank god that woman isn't sitting next to me".  Her arms are straight in front of  but are nearly crossing each other as she tries to maintain some type of personal space.  By this time, the whole car is aware of what is going on and most people are smiling at the very least or shaking their heads in bewilderment.

The poor girl gives up her seat at Canal St. and no one volunteers to brave the waters of the Aqua Sweater, who, incidentally, is still dead asleep even when the train comes to an abrupt stop.

Her last victim is the woman that is sitting at the very end of the bench but Aqua Sweater is falling over to her side so far that her head is practically in the woman's lap.  I imagine that the woman has her headphones blaring but it is obvious that she is still agitated.

Fortunately for all on in the car, 14th St. arrives and Aqua Sweater awakens, looks around like a gopher poking his head out of his burrow and decides this was her stop.  She gets up groggily and lumbers off the train.

As soon as she's gone people scramble for the two spots vacated.  I'm just laughing and actually forgetting my troubles for the rest of my commute.  Good times.  Good New York times.

Crisis? What Crisis?

Uncle Ben seems ok.

Huskers Football/Bad Economy - Coincidence?

So it turns out that last Monday was just a warm up.  

As I write this the Dow Jones Industrial Average is down over 700 points (again).  It is currently trading below 10,000 for the first time since 2004.  The NASDAQ is down over 8% and the S&P 500 is down over 7.5%.

Over the weekend I got a request to talk about the Nebraska Cornhuskers and they're seemingly unending mediocrity as a football team.  The Huskers continued this trend this past Saturday with an painful performance against their longtime rivals, the Missouri Tigers, losing 52-17.

Not so long ago, the Huskers dominated the annual matchup with Missouri, winning every year from 1979 to 2002 and leading the overall series 63-36-3.  However, the tables have turned of late with Missouri winning the last two seasons and 3 out of the last 4 matches.

Ok - so you're asking yourself, what the hell does Nebraska football have to do with the Greatest Depression?

If you recall, the last Huskers National Championship was in 1997.  This, along with the Huskers' back to back titles in 1994 and 1995 was the culmination of Tom Osborne's tenure as head coach.  At this point in our country's history, we also were enjoying an unprecedented run in the stock market year over year, eventually slowing down in the beginning of 2000.

2001 was the last time Nebraska played in a National Championship game and for some fans, marks the beginning of the team's dominance in the Big 12 and on the national scene.

Now we find ourselves not only in economic strife but chronic Husker mediocrity.  The timing is a little uncanny if you ask me.

So, Bo Pelini, the pressure is on.  Two weeks in a row, Nebraska has failed to rise to the occasion and two weeks in a row, the United States markets have plunged.  Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke would do well to convince coach Pelini how crucial the success of the Huskers is to our national and the world markets.

Personally, the Huskers look a long way off from the dominance they once knew.  Could be our economy is in the same boat. 

Pork

Just one example in the bill up for vote tonight, which is at 9:30 EST.    

The House has stated they won't vote until Friday at the earliest (assuming it passes tonight).  So much for quick action... 

Bailout Vote - Senators Edition

Good morning, my fellow Americans.

Today we will witness another dog and pony show courtesy of our elected officials in Washington, D.C.  The vote is supposed to take place some time this evening (probably in prime time of course) and there will likely be ubiquitous coverage by all networks and cable news.

I arrived late to work this morning (my usual routine lately) so I'm just getting going but I've already found some good information courtesy of Michelle Malkin, who I detest, but her blog does have some good information in it about the new version of the bill which has its share of pork.

That being said, I don't have to tell you what will happen tomorrow if this doesn't pass.  Paul Krugman seems to feel better about it but still isn't in love.  While the gang at Reason is vehemently opposed and note that our two candidates for President happen to agree on the need for the bailout but don't really know too much about it.

The Aftermath

Paul Krugman, via another blog, puts the effect of the bailout plan into fairly simplistic terms.

Historic Day

New York Magazine, as usual, put it so well.

I love Paul Krugman

I know, you're thinking, "three times in one day?"  Too important to not be writing about it:

Paul Krugman is a professor of economics at Princeton and Op-ed columnist for the New York Times.  His latest posting on his blog pretty much sums it up.

Bailout Fever Part 2

Ok - so I, along with many others were wrong.  No bailout.  I repeat, no bailout.  Capitalism is alive in America.

DealBreaker has had awesome coverage of this and as always, keeping it hilarious:

Jewish Holidays?

To see how your Representative voted, go here.  Please don't resort to violence but definitely feel free to write a nasty letter if their vote wasn't representative of you.

The market is not reacting well.  However, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T PANIC.  If there's anything we love in America, it's a comeback.  Not sure of the time line on this one though....

Bailout Fever

Go Hank!

The bailout.  Love it or hate it, it's likely going to happen my friends.  Ok, so now we live in a socialist country.  Washington, Adams, Jefferson, etc. probably didn't have this in mind but hey what did those guys know about sub-prime mortgages and credit default swaps?  

They also couldn't have possible predicted the over indulgent masses coveting the newest furniture scheme at Crate & Barrel or traveling to Europe on a Discover Card that has an interest rate that the most egregious loan shark wouldn't charge (Hey! But I get cash back!).  

So now, our duly elected representatives in DC have worked all weekend and hammered out a plan.  WHEW!  You know, in times of crisis it's good to know that these people, who failed to warn us about the impending doom, are more than happy to buy up a bunch of worthless assets to help these poor unfortunate banks.

Everybody talks how we need to turn the economy around.  Why?  So that people will continue spending money they don't have on things they don't really need?  That sounds like a great idea.  We've only got a handful of banks left.  Let's try and bring them down too.

Just a little follow up...

This helps with the AIG portion of the current chaos.  As you'll read, much more serious.

Crisis, Turmoil, Chaos, Whatever

I got a request to opine on the current madness that is currently happening on Wall St. and since I don't like to disappoint my few loyal readers, I thought I would indulge a little.  Granted there are an infinity of articles out there on this but I'll give you my non-journalistic, non-finance, non-economics background take on everything.  I'll also put in some links to help all of you navigate some of the best stuff on the web.

First, understanding why this is all happening is pretty crucial.  The best explanation I've found is here (second post).  I don't think I need to say too much more (if you read it) except maybe that too many people got caught up keeping up with the Joneses, Gonzalezes, Schwartzes, Mohammeds, Khans, Sopranos, Changs, whoever the hell they live next to and coveting their (seemingly) marginally superior lifestyle and consumption ability.

This all-too human behavior got the best of too many people and companies like Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, hell, all of them decided to take advantage of this unprecedented wave of home buying and all the consumption (via plastic) that goes along with it.

The past is the past.  What about the present?  Well, things are bad.  Especially in New York, where this eliminates thousands of jobs and the trickle down effect is huge (e.g. street coffee man).  That's just the beginning.  The cab and limo drivers, service industry employees, etc.  A person I regularly talk to likens our situation as (I'm paraphrasing) Great Depression-esque.  I definitely see his point.  Hoovervilles aren't popping up in Central Park just yet but things are pretty grim.  The seemingly bullet-proof New York real estate market is softening, prices of everything are rising, and infrastructure is crumbling. 

Luckily, we live in an information-overload era and there are plenty of people putting a comedic spin on all this.  My favorite is DealBreaker, a self-described Wall St. Tabloid.  They take everything in stride and is a good outlet for those affected by the situation to vent a little about their incompetent, ego-maniacal bosses.  New York Magazine is also great, especially the blog Daily Intel.  They (DealBreaker, Daily Intel) have a tendency to poke fun at the big players: Hank Paulson, Dick Fuld, John Thain among others which is good because the typical "Big Business Bad!" (via the New York Times) vs. "Big Business Rules!" (via CNBC and Fox News) is, frankly, a little boring.

And, of course, the two guys running for President are talking a big game.  John McCain wants to appoint a "9/11 Commission" to figure out the problem (not a solution) and Barack Obama is going to raise taxes (not good for anybody).  The last two people that should be talking about the situation is these two guys.  

I hate to be the person to remind a few people of this, but the President of the United States has very little to do with the state of the economy.  There are going to be good times and bad times and if you're President you either bask in the glory (Clinton, Reagan) or take all the blame (Carter, either Bush).  Sorry, it comes with the job.

Now I suppose I could get into credit default swaps and mortgage backed securities and how they fit into all this but it's really pretty boring and complicated.  Hopefully this satisfies your Wall St. madness thirst.  Now go out there and get your Lehman Brothers swag on eBay!

At the Corner of Laziness and Ignorance

I came to the conclusion recently that people are lazy about the strangest things and I, for one, do not escape this conclusion.  There is strange intersection at Cortelyou Road and Coney Island Avenue in my neighborhood (the pizza at Palermo right at the corner is pretty good).

 As a person walks on Cortelyou Road (in either direction) towards Coney Island Avenue, you can see that the two streets do not intersect directly.  The Cortelyou Road on the south[1] side of Coney Island Ave. is further east than the north side of Coney Island Ave.  Cars turning left on to Coney Island from Cortelyou, in either direction, take up a good portion of the intersection when they have the green light.

 Pedestrians have two options to cross the street in cross walks but the vast majority of pedestrians choose to walk across Coney Island Ave. in the middle, right where both left-turning cars (regardless of who has the green light) have to drive.  There is even A SIGN that says “proceed to the cross walk”.  Most people ignore this and walk in front of these cars that technically have the right-of-way.  I mean if someone driving their car to that intersection is having a bad day and thus, driving angry, you may end up on NY1 that day.

 Now, why all these pedestrians (including myself) choose not to proceed to the cross walks (and thus, escape any negligence that would be thrown at a pedestrian by a road raging New Yorker) cannot be thoroughly determined.

I can tell you that, personally, I don’t proceed to either of the cross walks because, in the mornings, I want to walk in the shade which falls on the east[2] side in the pre-noon hours.  In the evenings, I'm probably just too tired to care and probably don't mind if I get hit by a car.  I will say that I have gone to great lengths to at least look if there are vehicles approaching the intersection and not walking in front of them without paying any mind.

A friend from the neighborhood and I had a chat recently about the intersection’s phenomena and we chalked it up to laziness.  A I really too lazy to walk back across Cortelyou to get to the subway station?  Am I really too lazy to walk the extra distance across Cortelyou to get to the cross walk in order to cross Coney Island?  

In short: probably.

Truly a strange thing to be lazy about but I’m sure most people that cross in between the crosswalks are doing for similar reason to me, and thus, are choosing to cross the street in this spot out of laziness.  Not necessarily a conscious decision, but nevertheless, still a choice.

So Americans are lazy.  That’s nothing new.  But this may raise the bar a bit higher.  I guess the bright side would be that these people are at least walking.

---

[1] Not truly south

[2] Not truly east

Not a Joke

If you recall my earlier post... This NYT will give you an idea:

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/08/08/complaints-about-hot-platforms-as-old-as-the-subway/index.html

Imagine my surprise...

No more Q train from the 1960s, 70s?  I don't know what decade the old Q trains are from but this morning, a brand new train came and picked me up to take me to Manhattan today...I did a complete double-take and I watched the straphangers at Church Ave do the same thing.  No one was expecting this shiny train with announcements made slowly and clearly.

I mean, this thing was so new and clean you could have eaten off the floor.  Ok, maybe not but if you had to pick a train to eat off the floor, this one would be up there. 

Or perhaps the MTA must have heard it was my birthday today and felt like replenishing my confidence in their improvements to the subway infrastructure.  It's especially strange since Governor-by-Accident David Patterson gave a speech last night on TV announcing the pending financial disaster known as New York City.  

I guess that means that our trains are going into the 21st Century but the rest of New York is going back to the 1970s?  That probably means that the subways won't be safe to ride any more...It'll be a damn shame for all those shiny new trains.

"So...the Fed, huh?" Who's that playing Shortstop for the AL?

On Tuesday Major League Baseball’s Mid-Summer Classic will be played at none-other than Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. I remember watching the All-Star Game on TV and loving it. I enjoyed watching all the cool players of that time all playing on the same team. There were always lots of home runs and lots of action and back in those days, the National League always won. Plus, it helped with bargaining in my baseball card trading.

Now that I’m older, while my interest in baseball is increasing again, I am not as knowledgeable about the sport or the players, the American League always wins, and while there is still plenty of action and home runs, there is now something else ubiquitous that I don’t remember as a young fan. Constant corporate sponsorship and advertising.

Since this year’s game is being played at Yankee Stadium and it is the last year of the original Yankee Stadium existence, the corporate presence will likely be more over the top than usual. Not only will the ads be flying fast and furious, the only people attending the game will be CEO’s, Chairperson’s of the Board and their guests, in the following order of importance: 1) clients/customers 2) suppliers/partners 3) mistresses/boy toys 4) family members.

It would be great if more of the tickets were made available to the general public so that they could have a great memory of a baseball game played by its greatest players. Alas, this is not the world we live in. Most people who have enough money to buy these tickets are either not interested in the least or already have their tickets.

Meanwhile, the rest of the tickets are gobbled up by corporations and given to the bigwigs to entertain others who are probably not interested in the game at all.

Hey, what can I say, I’m a fan, and I’ll watch if possible. But thinking about how the game will only be played a short train ride away and also knowing that a bunch of corporate stooges will be deciding how to best present their next big write-down or massive layoffs to the media doesn’t really sit well with me.

On another, unrelated note: how does this guy not make the American League roster?

I don't know either...

Bolt Bus

I would like to inform everyone about the awesomeness of Bolt Bus. It absolutely gets my full endorsement.

There's a lot of things in this world that suck: taxes, paper cuts, airline food, just to name a few. Thankfully we have something like Bolt Bus to feel good about. $32 round-trip from NYC to Boston is about as good of a deal on anything anywhere.

Is this something lame to be excited about? Perhaps. But I'm an accountant. If I don't get excited about something lame, I'd be way too cool.

Lost work

I just wrote a short post about my road trip up to Boston w/ two friends when I all of a sudden I accidentally deleted it!

Dammit. It probably wasn't my best work but hey, it was still work. Long story/short we're on a "boltbus" and approximately two hours from Boston where we will be watching the Red Skirts play tonight.

More updates to come. I've got to do the same thing tomorrow so I'm sure I'll have more to write about.

Willie Randolph: Not That Different from the Rest of Us

Strangely ironic that a friend of mine got let go today...I decided I was writing on Willie while on the 'Q' this morning. My hope is that it's not somehow my fault...

For those of you who don't follow sports closely, the New York Mets (baseball) fired their manager, Willie Randolph this week after four seasons. Randolph chronicled his being let go today in the New York Daily News.

The article isn't terribly interesting (it's in the Daily News, after all) but what is interesting is that it shows that even Major League Baseball managers can get treated like complete and utter crap by their bosses.

Randolph was let go approximately 3 am EST. Now granted, that he was on the West Coast so it was only 12 am where he was and he isn't in an office job where the ax drops somewhere between 9 and 5, but it seems a little sloppy.

And, if you read the article, Randolph was completely shocked that he was getting let go. He states that he confronted the GM, Omar Minaya, before leaving for California and that Minaya told him things were "still being evaluated". Randolph goes on to say that he didn't think it would only be one more game before he got fired.

In sports, "being evaluated" might as well mean, "pack your bags".

Many in NYC and across the country have shared a similar feeling with Willie in the past few months. Corporate America has a tendency to be a little more creative when it comes to letting people go. Read this and this. In sports, they take more of a Donald Trump approach.

I guess this may give me some reassurance that no matter what kind of job you have, don't expect your bosses to be above board with you when the possibility of layoffs are looming (unless of course you're a contestant on the Apprentice).

If they're dodgy and non-committal, that usually means they're lying. The problem is, most bosses have bosses who have bosses in sports and in Corporate America. Everybody is under the gun and when "results" are at stake we're all expected to "step it up". What a bunch of shit. If I'm not performing say, "your work is not good, do better or you're going to get fired". Maybe people don't like to hear that but for me it beats the hell out of "you need to step it up".

Refer to other lame buzzwords and cliches here.

The only thing that we can take away from all this is that few people will actually tell you how you're performing because most people suck at delivering bad news or just suck as people in general.

HELP!

I know you are all patiently waiting for my new blog so that I'll discuss my exciting week in California. I need some help titling my new blog. The general topic will be on life as a corporate hack. No guarantees of title, just looking for suggestions.

Thanks for your participation.

A Horse Walks Into a Bar, the Bartender says...

At several points today I've noticed a number of people (in fact the majority of people) looking really miserable. Personally, I haven't been in the best of moods the last couple of days but I don't think I've been looking as despondent as most of the people out there.

The subway is a classic place for finding the most depressed, despondent, hopeless, tragic, and pessimistic people in the City. That wasn't so surprising.

But then I'm walking to work and I see a couple of people standing outside near the office that look as if they just saw Old Yeller for the first time. Further, I'm suddenly noticing similar looks on people's faces in the elevator, in the cafeteria, all around the office, pretty much everywhere I go.

What the hell is going on? A few possibilities: 1) the weather has been about as comfortable as a 15 year old boy trying to buy condoms 2) the economy is performing like post-steroid scandal baseball players 3) the people that still have their jobs wish they were part of the layoff statistics 4) the hot dog vendors are making everyone bob for their own hot dog.

Are New Yorkers constantly miserable? I guess it's possible. But definitely not these guys though:

This gives the rest of us hope (and these guys aren't even running for President)!

Back in the City

I've returned! Please, no applause. I promised you a debriefing of my week on the West Coast and I assure you that I will deliver. I'm still getting back up to speed on several fronts after returning home but FEAR NOT. There will be many comments regarding my seminar experience. So much so, I may start another blog to focus on corporate life. It's still in discussions.

Anyway, back to life as a straphanger:

I'm on the subway today and enjoying some light reading/Brick Breaker (Blackberry users, you know you're addicts) and all of a sudden I'm at 34th St. I'm completely caught off guard and semi-rush to get my stuff together in order to deboard and mosey off to catch the V.

Point being, after a week at an unfabulous seminar about some very dry material that was predominated by lame people, I may have been a little slow coming back to marvelousness and pace of New York.

Now, if you're worried I'm losing my touch, I was out at lunch today picking up my beloved Samantha and bolted in front of everyone as soon as the light went red for the oncoming traffic and reached the other side of the street before some of those peds even realized they had a walk sign.

Handicapped or not, I flew across that crosswalk.

Good to be back!

Seminar Update Thursday Edition

Ok - so I'm making a confession here. I'm skipping the 8 am - 10 am session of my seminar this morning. The most significant reason being that we were out late last night but I only plan on missing a couple hours out of the entire day. This inevitably begs the question: are there consequences to being absent at these things?

Answer in short: don't know, don't care.

Am I being immature? Unprofessional? Careless? Perhaps. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't probably doesn't result in much being lost. I mean, seriously, I'm missing "Project Management". I'm sure it has some value but it's not going to be a life changing experience.

For those wondering, I'm going write a de-brief posting sometime next week to summarize my time in LA at this seminar. I've been keeping a copious amount of notes about things I want to write about so it should amount to a pretty decent amount of ranting/opining. Stay tuned...

Death by Boredom 2

Does anyone think that boring presenters know that they're boring? Do they hear their own voices and think: "how could anyone not being immensely interested in what I'm saying? I'm so smart and well-spoken, no one can resist my dynamic oratorial skills."

In actuality, people are trying to hang themselves using their shoelaces and fighting off sexual daydreaming.

Or maybe that's just me. Some of these people look interested...more details to come

On a positive note...

It has been insanely hot and humid in New York the past few days and LA has very pleasant. I guess this boredom has a bit of an upside.

Death by Boredom

So I'm sitting in a large ballroom listening to some old guy talk about International Accounting standards... I know, everyone is insanely jealous.

Wow, this is boring. So boring that I think I might die. Seriously, the boredom is so severe, death may result. I'm at the back of the room, so I suppose I could sneak out but I haven't at this point.

So, I decided I would write about how boring this is in order to keep on living. Apparently I can only write so much on my Blackberry. More later...

They call Los Angeles the City of Angels...

Hey everyone - I'm in LA this week for a seminar and might not be posting as often as I would like, but I am going to have plenty to write about afterwards. So, I'll post when I can and I'll try to get you all caught up eventually.

I also didn't post on Friday, sorry about that. You might have to re-calibrate your expectations about the frequency of my posting. I'll do my best...Have a great Monday

Is it just me or...

...once the subway is in motion, you probably shouldn't try to maneuver from one end of the train to the other when it's standing room only (i.e. a full train).

This morning I watched a woman get on a the front of the car and after the doors closed, proceeded to walk through all of the people standing on the train in order to reach the very end of the car. I'm standing in my usual spot (with someone behind me no less) and she's trying to squeeze by the two of us while the train is clearly HAULING ASS.

She somehow gets by me and continues on and I watch this lack of courtesy the entire length of the car until she reaches the end. She callously interrupted numerous newspaper skimmings, iPod playlists, (insert your holy book here) reading, catnaps, wandering eyes, and general daydreaming without prejudice.

Once false move by that train and this lady is going flying into someone's Daily News.

I understand that you want to get to a specific spot on the train lady, but can't you wait to make your strategic moves until the train slows down a tad or sneak by while it's in the station? Or perhaps while we stop between two platforms? It's bound to happen! Just a suggestion...

There really should be an etiquette police for the subway. There would be a heirarchy of crimes just like in society but punishment would take the form in reprimands related to the subway. Examples could be: 1) Giving up all rights to empty seats, regardless of the number of people on the train 2) If seating privleges are not revoked, offenders would be required to sit next to obsese people 3) Mandatory sitting adjacent to a offensive (e.g. drunk, smelly) homeless person 4) Mandatory heavy tipping of any enterTRAINment (i.e. mariachi bands, accapela groups, teenage dancers

These are just a few simple suggestions that those at MTA should seriously consider. I think all straphangers would agree with these simple yet practical solutions. Please feel free to share your ideas for how to properly punish subway etiquette offenders.

Much Funnier than the R. Kelly Trial

So you may or may not have heard about the story about a couple of men in a spinning (i.e. indoor cycling) that got into a little fracas. Frankly, I am encouraged that the jury had the sense to find the defendant not guilty. Anyone that has worked out within earshot of a grunter knows how obnoxious it is. This guy went above and beyond just grunting as you can read in the articles below.

The grunter (aka Stuart Sugarman) was given fair warning but insisted on making his outbursts. Our hero (aka Christopher Carter) took it upon himself to make the class safe and idiot-free for his fellow spinners.

This the funniest story I've read about in awhile but it also reinforces the fact that we should not have to tolerate such nuisances in society.


Wrap up of the trial:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/03/nyregion/03spin.html?ref=fitnessandnutrition


Original article on Dealbreaker. You can find all of their coverage on their website:

http://dealbreaker.com/2007/08/spinning_out_of_control.php

I'll be posting a survey later today to pose a question to related to this story. Also, are there other annoying people (e.g. tone-deaf people who sing in public, slow drivers in the left-hand land, etc.) that deserve a similar fate? Please share your views.

Day Off

Hey everybody, I'm suffering from a major food coma and I'm going to defer to some of the better/more interesting articles that I've read on the web the last few days:

A good example of the crapiness of the federal drug laws:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/05/27/AR2008052702531.html?nav=rss_email/components

A trashy article on Bill Clinton that doesn't name any of the sources:

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2008/07/clinton200807

The craziness on London's Tube on Sunday evening which was the last legal day to drink alcohol on the Underground:

http://dealbreaker.com/2008/06/facebook_tube_party_that_ended.php

If I muster up something more, you'll know. Happy reading!

Is There an End in Sight?

Am I talking about the Iraq War? The Democratic Nominee process? My splitting headache? No, no, and no.

I'm talking about the ever-present crapiness of flying anywhere within the United States. Since I started flying regularly (around 5 years ago) the process has gone from moderately annoying to a complete abomination.

How bad is it, you ask? Well, you typically have to arrive 2 hours before your flight departs. Then you get seated and if you're lucky enough that no one is in your seat, you still have to deal with no leg-room, a potential obese person and/or crying baby in your row/general area, crappy snacks, smelly bathrooms, recycled oxygen, and (insert your personal unfavorite thing about flying here).

Did I mention that the price of the ticket was a tad costly?

And with any problem, we need to find someone to blame. Terrorists? Easy enough to hate, but no. The price of oil? Again, easy to point the finger at, but no. I for one put the blame solely on the shoulders of the idiots running these companies.

Let's dispel the first two favorite scapegoats:

- Terrorists - Airplanes are a target and we've all accepted the concessions involved in order to keep everyone safe. The American traveler has become accustomed to this.

- Oil - This is a little more complex. Oil is refined into jet fuel. Jet fuel is used to...well, duh. SO the increasing price of oil is taking its toll on the airline industry, just like the American consumer. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Airline companies should be hedging their exposure to the price of the commodities they consume. There's no reason that they couldn't be locking themselves into cheaper fuel prices for 1, 2, 3, however many months into the future in order to control their costs. Any smart company that consumes a commodity (e.g. oil, copper, corn, etc.) that wants to control expenses will lock a price in for future periods to better predict costs regardless of the current price and where it goes into the future. If the price changes dramatically one way or another, the company should adjust accordingly. Good companies hire people to do this FULLTIME.

What does lead us to conclude? The guys running most of these companies are clueless. I don't really have much more to say than that other than flying shouldn't be a loathsome experience but it is. From the moment I purchase the ticket to the second I walk off the jetway, rarely do I feel good about my experience.

I will be flying on Sunday (JFK to LAX no less) and will hopefully have some, either shockingly good news, or typical bad news to share.

I'll share a joke today:

Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One muffin says, "man, is it hot in here?"

The second muffin says, "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

Summer Means...

Summer means lots of things. It means longer days. It means shorter skirts. For New York it also means lots of tourists AND hellacious experiences on the subway.

I noticed it a couple of days ago but I stopped myself of making it an issue. It's still May I thought. No need to get upset yet. Yesterday it was getting worse though and since this is the last post I will make before June, I will announce it now: THE SUBWAYS ARE GOING TO START STANKING.

Anyone who's been to New York in the summer knows what I'm talking about. It's hot, it's humid and I've got to get from 14th St. and 1st Ave. to 89th St. and Amsterdam Ave. You plan on walking? Fine, assuming you don't need the exercise and you don't want to pay the taxi fare and the bus is too scary (bus riders of any city know what I'm talking about). Ok then. Subway it is:

You swipe the golden (and blue) ticket known as a Metrocard and walk through the turnstile and that's it. You're committed. You walk down the stairs, turn right and you're on the platform.

Dozens of people are on the platform. Not a single one of them is smiling. Girlfriends are resting their matted blond/brunette/red heads on their boyfriends'/girlfriends' shoulders. The boyfriends/girlfriends are totally pitted out and their foreheads are dripping.

A few psychos are wearing long pants. You consider throwing them in front of the train to put them out of their misery. The consideration passes at the thought of time on Riker's Island.

Are you in hell? It's hard to imagine hell being worse. It's so hot that you can see the air. It's easier to grab it with your hands and stick it your pocket than it is to breath it in. How long have you been waiting? Maybe 2 minutes, maybe 10. Whatever it's been, it's been too long.

Finally the train comes. The doors open and you walk in. The cold air on the inside smashes you in the face like a bucket of ice water. It is the happiest moment of your life. You pass 3rd Ave. No one gets off. "Why the hell does the L stop at 3rd Ave?", you wonder to yourself. Union Square. Most get off... Finally some space. But then, oh no...

Off at 6th Ave. Walking to the 1/2/3 uptown train. It's hotter on this platform than it was at 1st Ave. The smell of human is everywhere. People are moving very slowly down the corridor that leads to the Red Line.

You pass the guitar player that marks the half way point. Drop him a dollar. "How on earth can he stand down here all day and play? Wow. He smelled really bad. Can I take my dollar back?"

You descend steeply and finally arrive at the top and turn the corner to go down the stairs to the platform. Made it. Wait a minute. Yes. Still unbearably hot. No trains in sight. The trash is overflowing. It might be the most rancid thing you've ever smelled. Wait, the combination of the trash and the guy that just walked by is the most rancid thing you've ever smelled.

No trains in sight. Damn weekend schedule.

You sit down...Suddenly you awaken! How long have I been asleep? Minutes? Hours? Same person in front of me. No trains. Still hot. Eyes closing again.

Train finally arrives. You're a little groggy but semi-excited about the air conditioning. The car you pick looks relatively empty. Strange. You step on and gauge your surroundings. Wait a minute...The air conditioning isn't working on this car...Doors close.

Express train. 28 blocks until you transfer. 28 blocks of pure hell.

42nd St. sprint off the car and turn around to watch tourists get on a car with no air, and subsequently watch them all get trapped as the doors close. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Laughter passes. It's still god-awful hot. Switch to the 1 train. The air works on this car. Thank you! Eyes close.

Eyes open! At 86th St. Doors open. Still hot. Wander to stairs. Get outside, still hot. Trudge on to 89th St....

Well, that should give you an idea. Hard to say when this will really take hold. I'll keep you updated.

My Timing Really is Impeccable

http://nymag.com/daily/food/2008/05/mobile_shake_shack_coming_to_brooklyn.html

Survey #1 Part II

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!

Shroom Burgers!

One of the best things that I've been lucky enough to experience in my short time here is the Shake Shack. I was first introduced last summer and while the experiences are few and far between for me, no one who ever goes there ever forgets it. The reasons vary from "the line was so long" (check this link at approximately 12 pm EST during the week) to "I'm completely nauseous after all that food" to "that's the best damn thing I've ever eaten".

My personal favorite is the Shroom Burger and I'll get side of cheese fries (with ketchup and mayo) and whatever the custard or shake is that day. That will end up costing me approximately $10-12. Ridiculous you say? Maybe. It's a pretty enduring New York experience though.

They have regular hamburgers/cheeseburgers for you carnivores so don't worry, I'm not recommending a tofu/vegan/no animals harmed restaurant but I do highly recommend the Shroom burger. In which case you will have to order both (I've witnessed this) and then you'll slowly slip into a agonizing food coma.

Madison Square Park is decent place for that though.

Donuts II

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/05/29/doughnuts-the-third-rail-of-american-politics/index.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

And it doesn't stop...

Yet another reason that I love NPR

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90725993#email

Listen to the piece for full enjoyment.

Survey #1

Please read the article from the link below and vote accordingly.

http://michellemalkin.com/2008/05/23/of-donuts-and-dumb-celebrities/

Straphangers IQ

Most of you know that since I've moved outside Manhattan, I've had to ride the subway daily. This was quite a change for me after walking to work nearly everyday for almost a year. The transition was easy enough although I've become accustomed to cruising in around 9-9:30 a little more often.

As a "straphanger", I started picking up on little tricks and techniques right away. For example, if no seats are available during rush hour, I either stand directly in front of the door that leads to the next car (often taken) or in the space directly in the middle of two sets of doors. This allows you to have plenty of room as the car gets crowded and often no one will stand directly behind you. Also, if a seat does open up and there are no elderly people or ladies around, you can pounce on it (which is actually not that often, unless you're either cold hearted or a misogynist).

Probably the most key strategy that can be followed however, is which car you initially get on. Granted, if the train is arriving when you're flying down the stair around the obese and old, you have little choice but work with me here.

I learned that when returning home in the evenings, I need to be on the second-to-last car and exit out the second set of doors to get to stairs the quickest. My other option is to be in the third-to-last car and exit the last set of doors. I had some initial success employing this strategy and felt pretty good about myself. Other riders were stupid, I reasoned. I've got this figured out already.

Not so fast, Nebrasky.

I must have been fortunate to get some beginner's luck because when I started commuting during the peak hours, not only were these strategic cars full, people lined up at the doors two or three stops in advance to get first shot at the stairs.

DRAT. When did subway riders get so smart? Had I been prematurely overconfident and drastically underestimated them?

But then I figured that many of the people on the subway have been riding it since the Johnson Administration and my science-loving brother would further reason that: "Organisms, when in an environment for a prolonged period, eventually will adapt effectively to that environment or perish."

The other possibility is that I'm still just a beginner at this.

In any case, it definitely isn't as bad as this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axwMxUBL_ws

Carnies

Yes, those. Small hands, smell like cabbage.

I went to Coney Island for the first time over the weekend and I've got to say, it was fantastic! Many memories from childhood came back to me walking amongst all the rides, games, food and big hair rock music (e.g. Journey, Warrant) but I found something knew that I don't remember as a kid: CARNIES.

Anyone that has ever gone to a carnival, either at a state/county fair or to Coney Island knows what I'm talking about. The sketchy, dirty, loud employees of the orgy of fun that is all around you. What's most interesting is why, as an adult, these people are much more noticeable than when I was a child.

For me, carnies were just people that took my ticket for the rides and gave me prizes for the games I won and nothing more. I was more interested in giant stuffed animals, going on rides that went upside down, and cotton candy. I was completely oblivious to the fact that the people selling me the candy and locking me into the rides were junkies, prostitutes, and overall, just plain weirdos.

Figuratively walking around in my childhood out at Coney Island this weekend put things in a whole different perspective. For example, the announcer of the game, "Shoot the Freak". This was a new game for me and it consisted of shooting a paintball gun at a live target approximately 100 feet away. As a child I would have merely been interested in shooting the paintball gun at this silly fool. Now, the Freak was just a guy in paint ball protection clothes that you could shoot paintballs at. The actual "Freak" was the dentally-challenged strung-out employee telling me to "step right up and shoot the freak". If I did that, then who would make the announcements?

And they all say the same thing, "step right up, step right up". I guess it has a nice ring to it but step right up to what? Laying down a devalued $5 to throw faux-softballs at milk bottles that have magnets in the bottom of them so that when you knock them over they don't fall off their metal stands? They make it sound like it's going to be some sort of life changing experience. Like somehow, by filling that clown's mouth with water and popping the balloon is equivalent to finding Jesus or something.

With all its idiosyncrasies, the carnival is a great place to go for some inexpensive fun. I would stay wary of seeking any employment opportunities with these merchants of entertainment, however. I mean, it's pretty obvious they don't even have a dental plan.

The Dynamic Duo?

So it's Memorial Day weekend and rather than try to come up with something ground breakingly interesting, I'll go back to a reliable subject.

Barack Obama is all but certain to be the Democratic nominee for President. There are only three primaries left and he is only 61 delegates away from securing the nomination. The Mass Media, in all it's wisdom, is skipping the formalities and getting right to the Vice President talk (NYT).

With such a hard fought nominating process, it's no surprise that Hillary Clinton's name is being thrown into the hat as possible candidates for the VP slot. There are some (namely Dick Morris) in the blogosphere that consider this a huge mistake because Obama will be constantly looking over his shoulder to find the Clintons (and all their baggage) screwing things up.

My personal feelings (after consulting with a political guru) are that this is pretty much malarkey (aka bullshit). Sure the Clintons have baggage but isn't this like saying "Saddam Hussein didn't have weapons of mass destruction"? No politician is without his/her baggage. Look what they did to Obama and the Reverend Wright thing. They took comments made by a seemingly ridiculous clergyman (aren't they all) and made those comments into an issue (which specific political issue the comments represent as it relates to Obama I don't know).

The Republican spin machine will do whatever it takes to demonize any Democratic nominee and his/her running mate. We're talking about the likes of Dick Cheney and Karl Rove after all.

The bottom line is, that if Barack Obama chooses Hillary Clinton as his VP, this election may be over before it gets started. I like John McCain very much and I think he would make a decent President but there is simply no way he could defeat the team of Obama/Clinton. He could have Ronald Reagan as his running mate and he wouldn't be able to win.

Is the Obama/Clinton team a polarizing duo? Possibly. But if it causes Sean Hannity to lose his mind and Bill O'Reilly to do more of this then it's totally worth it. And if you can't get enough of that, try this.

Have a great weekend everybody!

Not Richard But...

http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Main_Page

Openness on the Bathroom Wall

As you may recall, a certain chef equated blogging to the writing on the bathroom wall. Today I read an article on the NYTimes website (appearing in the Times Magazine) written by Emily Gould, who makes her living blogging (read it here) most notably and formerly at Gawker. Most of what I read on this person (in the blogosphere) gives me the impression that she is another shameless self-promoter (mostly New York Mag).

I have to say though that reading the article gives me pause to think about the millions of people out there putting their thoughts out there and how exposed they (and I) really are. This girl ends up in a huge fight with her boyfriend (who she eventually breaks up with) over a post, has panic attacks, goes through big mood swings, and many other issues, both personally and professionally.

Ultimately she admits that the addiction to blogging is the attention that she received from those that disagreed with her and even chastised her. She was extremely open about herself and what she was feeling in every aspect of her life. While I can relate in the sense of wanting to share thoughts and opinions with others, the complete opening of your entire life seems to be a risky proposition at the very least.

I certainly don't know if I am able to share every going-on in my life with the whole world having access and then opining on my personal feelings. Clearly this girl doesn't consider enough of a concern to filter herself. That brings up the point, is blogging so openly about your own life therapy or just plain stupid?

I for one, wouldn't necessarily share details of therapy sessions on my blog. I don't think anyone out there would be that interested in my rantings inside of a small room with a stranger. I think it's important for everyone to maintain a certain amount of anonymity in their lives in order to keep their sanity in check. This girl had people recognizing her on the streets after appearing on Larry King and that's what started her panic attacks.

Now, it's fairly obvious that I or most of the millions of other bloggers out there that will never enjoy the readership that Emily has/had but even so, there are certainly things that are for myself and few others. Nothing personal readers, but privacy in our country is getting more scarce every day so I figure I'm taking enough risk just blogging about politicians...

$27 Gas?

Sort of...

Ok, so gas is expensive, that's pretty obvious. What's not so obvious is why it is so expensive. Petroleum, you say? Ok, that's pretty obvious too but why is oil so expensive? It's anybody's guess. Some say it's because of China and India's unquenchable demand and others say it's speculators (i.e. futures traders) pumping up the price. Maybe it's a combination of the two.

Then again, maybe it's due to the hot air coming out of Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann. The point is, no one really knows. Oh sure, people say they know but there's just as many people arguing against that particular point of view (whatever it may be).

What's the point of all this you ask? Should we all pick a date on the calendar and refuse to buy gas on that day in order to bring the mighty oil companies to their knees?

SIDENOTE: If anyone reading thinks that this is a good idea, please explain to me how this will work.

The only thing we can do is consume less. Is this going to do anything to the price of gas? Probably not but at least it will ease our individual pain a little bit. Buy a bike, take the bus (whenever reasonable), walk, carpool. I don't know but do something besides complain about it. "Gas is so expensive". You think so? Buckle your seatbelts. Hopefully in a hybrid...

I'm continuing with the jokes until I run into major resistence:

What did one casket say to the other casket?

Is that you coffin?

First Question of the Day

Why do people still run for the train when there is no chance of them catching it?

Strangers and the Weather

It's raining in New York today and it makes me think about the weather and how crucial it is to our functioning society. Not in the sense that it affects commuting, agriculture, or industry but in that it binds every single person in the world and that any two people can find commonality in the sun, rain, snow, sleet, hurricane, wind, whatever.

It would be a complete breakdown in society if two people, finding themselves in an awkward silence, were to not make mention of how (enter current weather) it has been. Of course many people can handle the silence with no problem (myself included) but as luck would have it, two of those people have never crossed paths. One party will invariably make comment of how (enter current weather here) it is.

Of course the weather isn't the only subject to come up between two strangers but as previously mentioned, it is, seemingly, the easiest thing for two humans to discuss.

The discussion obviously varies from place to place and is all relative to the actual location. For instance I imagine that residents of Anchorage are quite ecstatic when the temperature achieves heights north of 60 degrees (Fahrenheit obviously). Likewise, if the temperature goes south of 60 in San Diego, people start FREAKING OUT.

Will I ever mellow on the weather small talk? Possibly. But for the time being, I'll still simply just observe the weather and wait for my Starbucks in silence.

I'll offer you another joke today as this particular posting might be WEAK.

Why are there so many Jones's in the phone book?

Because they all have phones.

Dr. Jones

My new urologist you ask? No.

This is Dr. Henry Jones, Jr. You probably know him best as Indiana (named after the dog) Jones, everyone's favorite archaeologist. He returns this week in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and I'm not ashamed to be excited about his triumphant resurrection after nearly 20 years.

I was 10 when the Last Crusade was released. I went on to watch a bootlegged video tape countless times. I eventually saw Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Temple of Doom numerous times as well and loved all of them.

Indiana Jones adventures, as cheesy as they be, with all the whips, hats, hocus-pocus, and whatnot, are definitely a guilty pleasure of mine.

As most of the reviews state, the dialogue isn't riveting, the story isn't that great, and there is little, if any, depth to the movie franchise as a whole, making it a certain class of "spoon-fed Hollywood".

I, for one, do not watch Indiana Jones movies for any artistic, cinematic revelations. This is for adventure and to enjoy watching Harrison Ford embody an old friend that we haven't seen for the better part of two decades.

With all the bad news out there: Wars, Phony Politicians, Earthquake, Cyclones, etc., it's a perfect time for our hero to return even if it doesn't increase our cinematic sophistication.

The Countdown is On!

250 days until 1/20/2009 (Bush's last day) in case you were wondering.

Last night I heard someone call the President "George Fucking Bush". Now, I'm as big of a Bush unsupporter as anyone but can't we just remember that his tenure is coming to an end?!? C'mon people, positive thinking!

I was anti-Bush a long time ago, long before the President achieved his now record disapproval rating. I'd like to think I was a trailblazer of some sorts (ok, maybe not so much).

In any case, I'm tired of hearing people complain about the President like it's breaking news that he's a bad President. I know it, you know it, EVERYONE knows it. How about we move on and get someone elected? I mean, I don't want summer to go by too fast but we need a new President about as badly as Gossip Girl viewers need lives.

Will John McCain be a third George Bush term? Likely not. I mean, John McCain actually served in Vietnam and is much, much older than GWB. Gosh, and to hear Senator McCain talk about it, we'll be out of Iraq by 2013! I'll be 33. Holy crapola. Now that's a COUNTDOWN.

Mobile Blogging

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

My Writing on the Bathroom Wall

I read today that Mario Batali equated blogging to "writing on the bathroom wall". Now, I'm not if that's what he said verbatim but it's an interesting enough analogy that I thought I would comment on it. Plus, it's a slow day.

When I was growing up and anytime I saw writing on the bathroom wall, it seemed somewhat frightening. Since I was raised in a religious household, I'm sure that I thought this vandalism was a sin. I mean, what scofflaw would dare deface this public restroom? This is public property! I can't believe anyone would have the audacity to perpetrate such behavior! Why would some write "wipe hands on pants" directly on the automatic hand dryer?!? That would get your pants wet!

Now that I'm older I've come to realize that all this graffiti has purpose. Some angry, spiteful person has got to let out some frustration. No better place than a public bathroom to do that. Now EVERYONE can see how I feel about a certain someone. Usually in the form of a phone number preceded by "FOR A GOOD TIME CALL..." or a one-word expletive.

I had plenty of good times growing up but I never did muster up the nerve to call one of those numbers. But then again, that was before cell phones...

Since the joke I included at the end of yesterday's post was so well received, I will include another today:

A grasshopper hops into a bar and jumps up on the bar stool and says, "I'll have a scotch and soda."

The bartender whips around and says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Irving?"

The Faux-World Brooklyn

Ok, so I'm not happy to writing about TV but I can't resist this particular topic.

Apparently the next installment of the Real World will be filmed in Brooklyn, where I currently reside. Now, having been a watcher of the show in the past, I suppose there is a tiny bit of interest but I am pretty confident that it primarily consists of contemptuous interest.

I mean how many cities on Earth can we watch 8 (or 7 or 10 or whatever) strangers get drunk and naked and arrested and not take care of an ostentatious residence? I suppose new viewers are constantly recyclying but can MTV really be still making money on this franchise? All right there are spin-offs as well (e.g. the Gauntlet, Battle of the Sexes, etc.) that probably have brought in some advertising dollars but COME ON.

These people are going to live in Cobble Hill (allegedly) and not have jobs and get drunk and do whatever else (i.e. drugs) and they will COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. People will have breakdowns and tantrums and bitch and it will be ridiculous as usual.

Is it possible that I just described why this show is still on TV? Possibly. But I think it would be much more interesting if the producers of the show had the cast members find their own apartment, pay their own rent, and let them wander into places that they know nothing about (e.g. Jamaica, Queens or Bushwick, Brooklyn). That seems more real doesn't it?

Granted, I haven't been a resident of Brooklyn very long but I definitely can sense when ungrateful people are planted down in a place they don't really deserve.

Sorry about the seriousness of the posting. To reciprocate I offer the following joke:

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

Perfect Timing!

Irony is funny.

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/05/12/hoping-the-swedish-meatballs-hold-out-in-red-hook/index.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Temptation and Ikea

I am going to resist the urge to talk about the election today since we have more than five months to droll on about how high our taxes will be under a Barack Obama presidency and why under a John McCain adminstration that our troops will still be in Iraq after Manhattan is under water.

Let's move on to a different urge. Over the weekend I made my first every trip to the Swedish paradise known as Ikea. Yes, I know it's unbelievable but I had not ever set foot inside an Ikea before Saturday afternoon.

As I walked amongst the copious shapes and sizes of furnishings and looking at the corresponding prices, I'm thinking to myself, this is best utopia of capitalism EVER!

Everything is sleek and hip and inexpensive. I'm sure there are many homes throughout Scandinavia, North America, and countless other homes all over the world that are adorned entirely with Ikea products.

But questions remain: 1) is this a temptation to delve into mediocre, unoriginal, and omnipresent interior decor? 2) Should we reject temptation and attempt to strive for more originality and character? 3) Does a large multi-national corporation offering mass-produced furniture and other accessories just have it's roots ground in making billions of dollars?

The answers are as follows: 1) Perhaps 2) Maybe 3) Indubitably

Regardless of other peoples' or corporations' motivation, I live in New York and am currently a marginal employee at a Big 4 Accounting firm so I'll be caving to temptation for the time being.

And the winner is...

John McCain.

OK. So I'm really bored at work and I need to get this post done so I cut out early. I guess I'll talk about the election. That should be easy enough, right?

Yes, yes, I know most you probably don't want to hear about it. Don't worry, I'll keep it short.

John McCain is the winner for a couple of reasons:

1) He's been able to rally his the GOP base while Clinton and Obama have been focusing on each other (although Obama had been this doing less and less).

2) The Republicans don't have to think about how they are going to attack Obama during the general election because the Clintons have come up with everything possible.

Ok, maybe not everything. I suppose they could have opened up a little more on Obama's connection to these so-called terrorist organziations in the U.S. but for the most part, the Jeremiah Wright thing has done the most damage.

The question is, will McCain be willing to get down and dirty and keep it up with the mud slinging? Time will tell but it's getting testy already (read here).

However agressive McCain decides to be you can bet that the non-profit groups (think swift boats in 2004, sorry I can't remember the tax code citation they fall under and I don't feel like researching it at 3:30 on a Friday) are going to implement the "kitchen sink" strategy.

I guess that brings me to the point that, if there was no mud-slinging, would anyone vote? I mean we love all the ugliness and bickering and going back and forth. It gets a rise out of people (I won't name names) so they feel like they should get out there and VOTE because how dare he/she say that about ______ (insert candidate's name here)!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is get the garden hose and a big pile of dirt and let's get to it people! This is American politics! The last one in the mud puddle is probably going to be the first eating mud pie!

The Slim to None Scenarios for Hillary

Just thought everyone would enjoy these:

http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/trailhead/archive/2008/05/08/obama-doomsday-scenario-contest-results.aspx?GT1=38001

Who hates NPR and quantifying popular culture

Have I mentioned that I love National Public Radio? There are several reasons why I do. Regular readers will learn this so we won't get into that now. I developed a label specifically for NPR because I am predicting that I will blog about many things about or sourced from NPR.

What popped into my head today as I was listening to the Bryant Park Project ("BPP"), is: is there anyone that hates NPR? I mean, there has to be someone. So, using the miracle known as Google, I searched "who hates NPR?"

Strangely enough I found one blog with a entry entitled "Oh How I hate NPR" (read here). While I respectfully disagree with this poor chap, he makes some points that are pretty hilarious and that I can identify with, for example: "NPR is popular culture for people that are too good for popular culture."

Sorry to say, but this is right on the money for me. Being too good for popular culture has been a goal of mine for quite some time now. Does this mean that I am completely opposed to it? Of course not. I watch popular television shows, go to popular movies, listen to popular music, read popular magazines, visit popular websites. But I also enjoy independent films, independent music, websites and the like, as do many others.

Wait a tick... does everything on Earth fall into the "popular culture" bucket? You could easily make the argument. I mean every genre in every type of entertainment/art/activity has a following and there will always be dissenters in each group that say "they've/it's gone commercial". I think even homelessness has gone commercial. They are getting press everywhere and probably make more money peddling than the cops that have to wake them up in the park every night.

In short, it appears non-conformity is popular now. Probably more popular than it is to be popular. Drat! I guess I'll go back to being normal. Maybe that isn't popular any more...

PS - KSH, this is NPR: National Public Radio.

Michelle Malkin, the New York Post, and other "Media"

So I'm going about my Google Reader list, per my usual routine lately, and notice and an article entitled: Barack Obama's Bitter Half (read here) listed under Real Clear Politics. The author is a woman named Michelle Malkin.



After reading approximately half of the article, I decided I had to start complaining, starting with:



How does this woman make a living doing this? I mean, is she writing anything that is all that interesting? Does she have regular readers, and if so, who are these people? Do they think she is smart and that she knows what she is talking about?



She just goes on and on about much Michelle Obama complains and gripes and whatever other synonyms the Microsoft Word Thesaurus could come up with. I've seen this woman on Fox News in the past and she is just loud and opinionated with no real substance to any of her commentary.



Wait a minute...Loud, opinionated, no real substance, Fox News...



I guess that makes her perfect for Fox News. I guess my concern is why would a website like Real Clear Politics is doing posting this person's rants. I mean George Will's columns are also posted on this website. They might as well post my brilliant comments if they are going to include both Michelle Malkin and George Will. I mean you've basically got the two ends of the spectrum in terms of perceived intellect here (regardless of how smart George Will actually is, he is accepted by the masses as "smart"). I easily fall in between the two of them (where exactly that may be, feel free to comment).



Now, to be fair, another regular obnoxious contributor on Fox News is Ann Coulter. Now, while Ms. Coulter is both loud and opinionated, much like Ms. Malkin, at least she is FUNNY. Yes, I am admitting that Ann Coulter has talent. Whenever I read something she writes, I disagree with probably 99.9% of what I'm reading. But, at least she writes in such a way that will make me laugh a little. It's the same way I laugh at my friends with similar points of view when they go on similar rants but hey, I like laughing...



Ms. Maulkin isn't funny AT ALL. If I'm going to be listening to dumb-downed media (I just finished a Noam Chomsky documentary, forgive me) I better get some laughs out of it. Don't try and come across all serious and act like you're a legitimate journalist giving me the "truth" about what's going on.



Which brings me to my second topic for the day: the New York Post. I picked up a copy on my way home yesterday to read on the train. The Post is owned by News Corp. Which, also owns Fox News. Fine. Effectively, the same tyrant runs both. But at least the Post isn't trying to hold itself out as legitimate news. I mean seriously, do you think the editors at the Post really care if anyone takes them seriously?



I mean, "HO NO". How great is that? That pretty much sums up the feelings of the Post: "We know you're dumb, so we are going to put headlines on our paper that you can understand".



Sure, it's filled with celeb gossip and plenty of other nonsense but at least it's not pretending to be something it's not (i.e. a legitimate news source but what is a legitimate news source? Drat, save that for another day).



I guess what I'm attempting to say is that most media is a joke. Now, as I said, I recently watched a documentary on Noam Chomsky so this topic is fresh in my mind but I guess that's what blogs are for...Hang in with me readers, I'm still new at this...

An Unexpected Debut/TriBeCa Review

Hello and welcome readers!

This debut comes unexpectedly but due to the recent drought of activity at my job I have decided to start my blog today. Those of you that know me well know that griping is something that I excel at and I felt that most of my postings would probably center around that particular pastime.

I guess I'll start by talking about the TriBeCa Film Festival. I attended five films last week and while I enjoyed watching the movies very much I have come to find out that there are TONS of people out there that take movies WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. I seriously doubt Robert DeNiro had this seemingly bureaucratic and proper event in mind when he started it.

My bro Z came out to NYC to see a few films and we went into a latenight screening (a little late, admittedly) and we were informed that there were not two seats together left in the theatre. I noticed some folding chairs in the back and inquired about us using them. I received not a "no" but a "hell no" response to my query. Not literally, mind you, but I was surprised by the "program coordinator" (whatever the hell that is, there was a new one at each movie) giving such a straightforward refusal.

I mean would our use of the chairs breached some kind of quota for asses on seats for the theatre? Were there national security issues that were undislcosed to the movie patrons? Whatever the reason, the desire for two tall blonde men to sit together to watch the movie on cheap folding chairs couldn't possibly be accomodated.

AND, as a result I had to sit in the last seat of a row WAY down front. I had to climb over every person in the row, my ass bumping into the heads of each person I walked by. All that being said, the movie An Omar Broadway film was good but seemingly had mixed viewpoints. Z and I discussed at length and decided ultimately that convicted criminals belong in jail regardless of their ability to covertly become filmmakers.

One other note on another film, Empire II. I can honestly say that this was art on a level that I may not be capable of understanding or appreciating and I'd like to think that I'm not that aesthetically challenged.

I came up with the genre as possibly being an "art epic". THREE HOURS of the same 6-10 shots of Manhattan in various speeds, color schemes, time of the day and year. Does grueling do it justice? I don't know. I do admit, it could be considered, in the words of my friend that joined me, "avant-garde" but for me it was challenging (I only fell asleep twice and he slept through about half of it).

All in all, the festival was a good experience and I may attend again next year but I certainly won't dare to ask about the availability of any folding chairs.

For all readers, I would love to hear your comments and suggestions for topics. I've been told by more than one loved-one that I'm pretty opinionated so I imagine anything you suggest I will easily find that I am able to rant about it.