Be Careful on the Fax Denverites, New Yorkers, Nebraskans, and Californians: Get Back to Work!

Help me get home RTD...

RTD v. MTA

I've blogged about public transit in the past but it's been awhile so I thought I'd revisit the subject, especially since I've moved to a new city and the differences I've noticed are worth mentioning:

1. Denver doesn't have a subway. This is worth about negative infinity points.

2. Denver does have a pretty comprehensive bus system. Problem is that it runs about as frequently as Hailey's Comet.

3. In Denver, many people, including myself, wave and say "thank you" to the bus drivers upon getting off the bus. This would never happen on any form of MTA. Chances are the operator/driver would think you were belittling them and kick your ass.

4. The bus in Denver has quite the assorted cast of characters. The following people can be typically found on the Denver bus: Bubbles from The Wire, Trey Anastasio wannabes, and Brian Cranston's character from Breaking Bad.

5. The one similarity between RTD and MTA is that the announcements are both completely incomprehensible.

All in all, I'm still enjoying public transit for better, for worse. Ok, that's my public transit post. I promise it will be limited unless something like this happens again.

Not a Joke

If you recall my earlier post... This NYT will give you an idea:

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/08/08/complaints-about-hot-platforms-as-old-as-the-subway/index.html

Imagine my surprise...

No more Q train from the 1960s, 70s?  I don't know what decade the old Q trains are from but this morning, a brand new train came and picked me up to take me to Manhattan today...I did a complete double-take and I watched the straphangers at Church Ave do the same thing.  No one was expecting this shiny train with announcements made slowly and clearly.

I mean, this thing was so new and clean you could have eaten off the floor.  Ok, maybe not but if you had to pick a train to eat off the floor, this one would be up there. 

Or perhaps the MTA must have heard it was my birthday today and felt like replenishing my confidence in their improvements to the subway infrastructure.  It's especially strange since Governor-by-Accident David Patterson gave a speech last night on TV announcing the pending financial disaster known as New York City.  

I guess that means that our trains are going into the 21st Century but the rest of New York is going back to the 1970s?  That probably means that the subways won't be safe to ride any more...It'll be a damn shame for all those shiny new trains.

Back in the City

I've returned! Please, no applause. I promised you a debriefing of my week on the West Coast and I assure you that I will deliver. I'm still getting back up to speed on several fronts after returning home but FEAR NOT. There will be many comments regarding my seminar experience. So much so, I may start another blog to focus on corporate life. It's still in discussions.

Anyway, back to life as a straphanger:

I'm on the subway today and enjoying some light reading/Brick Breaker (Blackberry users, you know you're addicts) and all of a sudden I'm at 34th St. I'm completely caught off guard and semi-rush to get my stuff together in order to deboard and mosey off to catch the V.

Point being, after a week at an unfabulous seminar about some very dry material that was predominated by lame people, I may have been a little slow coming back to marvelousness and pace of New York.

Now, if you're worried I'm losing my touch, I was out at lunch today picking up my beloved Samantha and bolted in front of everyone as soon as the light went red for the oncoming traffic and reached the other side of the street before some of those peds even realized they had a walk sign.

Handicapped or not, I flew across that crosswalk.

Good to be back!

Is it just me or...

...once the subway is in motion, you probably shouldn't try to maneuver from one end of the train to the other when it's standing room only (i.e. a full train).

This morning I watched a woman get on a the front of the car and after the doors closed, proceeded to walk through all of the people standing on the train in order to reach the very end of the car. I'm standing in my usual spot (with someone behind me no less) and she's trying to squeeze by the two of us while the train is clearly HAULING ASS.

She somehow gets by me and continues on and I watch this lack of courtesy the entire length of the car until she reaches the end. She callously interrupted numerous newspaper skimmings, iPod playlists, (insert your holy book here) reading, catnaps, wandering eyes, and general daydreaming without prejudice.

Once false move by that train and this lady is going flying into someone's Daily News.

I understand that you want to get to a specific spot on the train lady, but can't you wait to make your strategic moves until the train slows down a tad or sneak by while it's in the station? Or perhaps while we stop between two platforms? It's bound to happen! Just a suggestion...

There really should be an etiquette police for the subway. There would be a heirarchy of crimes just like in society but punishment would take the form in reprimands related to the subway. Examples could be: 1) Giving up all rights to empty seats, regardless of the number of people on the train 2) If seating privleges are not revoked, offenders would be required to sit next to obsese people 3) Mandatory sitting adjacent to a offensive (e.g. drunk, smelly) homeless person 4) Mandatory heavy tipping of any enterTRAINment (i.e. mariachi bands, accapela groups, teenage dancers

These are just a few simple suggestions that those at MTA should seriously consider. I think all straphangers would agree with these simple yet practical solutions. Please feel free to share your ideas for how to properly punish subway etiquette offenders.

Summer Means...

Summer means lots of things. It means longer days. It means shorter skirts. For New York it also means lots of tourists AND hellacious experiences on the subway.

I noticed it a couple of days ago but I stopped myself of making it an issue. It's still May I thought. No need to get upset yet. Yesterday it was getting worse though and since this is the last post I will make before June, I will announce it now: THE SUBWAYS ARE GOING TO START STANKING.

Anyone who's been to New York in the summer knows what I'm talking about. It's hot, it's humid and I've got to get from 14th St. and 1st Ave. to 89th St. and Amsterdam Ave. You plan on walking? Fine, assuming you don't need the exercise and you don't want to pay the taxi fare and the bus is too scary (bus riders of any city know what I'm talking about). Ok then. Subway it is:

You swipe the golden (and blue) ticket known as a Metrocard and walk through the turnstile and that's it. You're committed. You walk down the stairs, turn right and you're on the platform.

Dozens of people are on the platform. Not a single one of them is smiling. Girlfriends are resting their matted blond/brunette/red heads on their boyfriends'/girlfriends' shoulders. The boyfriends/girlfriends are totally pitted out and their foreheads are dripping.

A few psychos are wearing long pants. You consider throwing them in front of the train to put them out of their misery. The consideration passes at the thought of time on Riker's Island.

Are you in hell? It's hard to imagine hell being worse. It's so hot that you can see the air. It's easier to grab it with your hands and stick it your pocket than it is to breath it in. How long have you been waiting? Maybe 2 minutes, maybe 10. Whatever it's been, it's been too long.

Finally the train comes. The doors open and you walk in. The cold air on the inside smashes you in the face like a bucket of ice water. It is the happiest moment of your life. You pass 3rd Ave. No one gets off. "Why the hell does the L stop at 3rd Ave?", you wonder to yourself. Union Square. Most get off... Finally some space. But then, oh no...

Off at 6th Ave. Walking to the 1/2/3 uptown train. It's hotter on this platform than it was at 1st Ave. The smell of human is everywhere. People are moving very slowly down the corridor that leads to the Red Line.

You pass the guitar player that marks the half way point. Drop him a dollar. "How on earth can he stand down here all day and play? Wow. He smelled really bad. Can I take my dollar back?"

You descend steeply and finally arrive at the top and turn the corner to go down the stairs to the platform. Made it. Wait a minute. Yes. Still unbearably hot. No trains in sight. The trash is overflowing. It might be the most rancid thing you've ever smelled. Wait, the combination of the trash and the guy that just walked by is the most rancid thing you've ever smelled.

No trains in sight. Damn weekend schedule.

You sit down...Suddenly you awaken! How long have I been asleep? Minutes? Hours? Same person in front of me. No trains. Still hot. Eyes closing again.

Train finally arrives. You're a little groggy but semi-excited about the air conditioning. The car you pick looks relatively empty. Strange. You step on and gauge your surroundings. Wait a minute...The air conditioning isn't working on this car...Doors close.

Express train. 28 blocks until you transfer. 28 blocks of pure hell.

42nd St. sprint off the car and turn around to watch tourists get on a car with no air, and subsequently watch them all get trapped as the doors close. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Laughter passes. It's still god-awful hot. Switch to the 1 train. The air works on this car. Thank you! Eyes close.

Eyes open! At 86th St. Doors open. Still hot. Wander to stairs. Get outside, still hot. Trudge on to 89th St....

Well, that should give you an idea. Hard to say when this will really take hold. I'll keep you updated.

Straphangers IQ

Most of you know that since I've moved outside Manhattan, I've had to ride the subway daily. This was quite a change for me after walking to work nearly everyday for almost a year. The transition was easy enough although I've become accustomed to cruising in around 9-9:30 a little more often.

As a "straphanger", I started picking up on little tricks and techniques right away. For example, if no seats are available during rush hour, I either stand directly in front of the door that leads to the next car (often taken) or in the space directly in the middle of two sets of doors. This allows you to have plenty of room as the car gets crowded and often no one will stand directly behind you. Also, if a seat does open up and there are no elderly people or ladies around, you can pounce on it (which is actually not that often, unless you're either cold hearted or a misogynist).

Probably the most key strategy that can be followed however, is which car you initially get on. Granted, if the train is arriving when you're flying down the stair around the obese and old, you have little choice but work with me here.

I learned that when returning home in the evenings, I need to be on the second-to-last car and exit out the second set of doors to get to stairs the quickest. My other option is to be in the third-to-last car and exit the last set of doors. I had some initial success employing this strategy and felt pretty good about myself. Other riders were stupid, I reasoned. I've got this figured out already.

Not so fast, Nebrasky.

I must have been fortunate to get some beginner's luck because when I started commuting during the peak hours, not only were these strategic cars full, people lined up at the doors two or three stops in advance to get first shot at the stairs.

DRAT. When did subway riders get so smart? Had I been prematurely overconfident and drastically underestimated them?

But then I figured that many of the people on the subway have been riding it since the Johnson Administration and my science-loving brother would further reason that: "Organisms, when in an environment for a prolonged period, eventually will adapt effectively to that environment or perish."

The other possibility is that I'm still just a beginner at this.

In any case, it definitely isn't as bad as this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axwMxUBL_ws